They’re your girls. You can talk about everything with them, and have, from who’s crushing on who right down to what looks just terrible on who. You’ve held back each others hair at the worst of times, yelled at each other at the best of times and have always had each other’s backs.
The truth is, some things are just not okay to say to them once they agree to become your bridesmaids. Sadly, many wonderful friendships have been compromised and even lost during this time of intense, emotion-filled planning.
Hang on to your friends and don’t even think of saying…
1. This bridesmaid dress will look great on all of you!
This is such a crock it has become a complete cliche. While you may believe the bridesmaid dresses you have chosen are fabulous, they will not necessarily be so to your attendants. Consider finding a style & color grouping where each bridesmaid can have a slightly different dress that flatters her individual shape, or if you are really intent on one particular dress style and have the budget merely pay for the bridesmaid dresses.
2. It’s time to start that diet!
If you are determined only to have supermodel shaped attendants, you should ensure you only ASK supermodel shaped friends to be attendants. Suggesting a friend change her body shape for your event is beyond insensitive.
3. Are you going to cover up that tattoo?
If one of your girls has an extremely offensive tatt, it would be permissible to ask her, gently, to cover it, otherwise, ensure her dress covers it. All other tats you will just need to deal with – love your friends just the way they are.
4. I’d love a huge bachelorette party.
It has become trendy to travel or do something lavish for the bachelorette party. This is great if the entire bridal party can manage the cost, but that isn’t always the case. Consider going old school and letting your MOH and girls take the lead on this while you focus your efforts on your wedding day.
5. Are you going to be making any changes to your hair?
This is a veiled judgment call! Many brides favor updos for the entire bridal party, but if one or more of them maintain a pixie cut or other short style, it’s not your place to suggest a change.
6. I will be needing your help on weekends until the wedding.
Your girls will absolutely want to help out with some of the planning details, but you need to realize they have their own lives, too. If your need for help outweighs your reasonable friend resources, you may need to hire a wedding planner.
7. I expect all of your attention to be on me during the reception.
Indeed, your bridesmaids will be at the ready to help you freshen your hair, hold up your dress when you pee or tell you when you have lipstick on your teeth. But don’t forget they are there to celebrate your wedding just like the rest of your guests. Enjoy watching them mingle, dance and have fun, they’ve earned it!
8. This is my day!
If you hear yourself saying this, you just could be a bridezilla. Everyone gets the fact that it’s your day, but this status doesn’t give you call to walk over their feelings or opinions. Treating your bridesmaids with kindness and sensitivity through the planning process should result in a cooperative and harmonious wedding day. On the other hand, if an attendant is being obviously rude or obnoxious, you should find a spot to have a quick, private conversation with her to find out what’s going on; if she turns out to be drunk you may have to have one of the other attendants take charge of sending her home or to her room.
9. Only married bridesmaids can bring a plus one.
If you somehow hit your head and believe this is 1957 go ahead with this rule. If not, and unless you belong to a religiously restrictive organization, don’t even think about it.
10. You don’t know how stressful this is.
Yikes, now you’re a victim! You chose to have a wedding – poor you! This is not the time for pity parties, not only may your attendants know precisely how stressful planning and conducting a wedding is, they could very well be under far more stress than you are for a myriad of different reasons. Planning a wedding can indeed be stressful at times, and you will need to find ways to relieve your own stress, not foist it onto those who are trying to help. If you must vent, try saying something like “Megan, I’m really feeling stressed out right now and not at my best. Please be patient with me while I figure it out.” Admitting your vulnerability will result in more helpful hands than playing the victim!
Every wedding planning process is bound to have ups and downs, like most projects in life. Having help with details can mean the difference between a happy wedding day and a stressful ordeal. Your joy and memories are worth ensuring you have the support you need. Can we help?